Update: Oatmeal Is Still The Worst.

Especially overnight oatmeal. "If eating me warm doesn't make you gag, try me cold!"

Attention Quaker Oats: In the event you decide to stick with this tagline, remember I coined it first

Oatmeal: A Cautionary Tale

I always do this. I give oatmeal a second chance thinking that this time he'll be good to me.  I always say I won't do it.  And always, all buddy Quaker needs do is show his face in my pantry, and I come crawling back.  I'm warped and this certainly has the makings of an unhealthy relationship.

"This time will be different", I assure myself when I spy his cheeky grin.  And it seems that, finally, I am right.

I mean the smell wafting from the bowl as it steeps (...is steep the right word here?) is downright heavenly.  It smells like a freaking cinnamon roll up in here. And look at that nice palatable brown color!  Just add some brown sugar and almonds and we're in business. At this point I'm salivating, and simultaneously congratulating myself on choosing oatmeal to sate my hunger.  The waiting's done. My lips break into a smile and I take that first bite....

And right on cue: Warning. WARNING. Initiate gag reflex.

I never knew what it was that bothered me so much about oatmeal until today, when I finally figured it out. < enter epiphany >  Oatmeal tastes like food that's already been chewed.  Really though.  Chew up an oatmeal cookie, spit it out, serve it in a dish, and I bet you could pass it off as a fresh bowl.   I suppose, were I a baby bird, this might be all right.  I remember reading somewhere that momma birds regurgitate food before feeding it to their chicks.  And I know some humans do this too.  But I feel these are the same sort of humans who breast feed their children till they're speaking in full sentences. Which sort of human, I am not.  

Sorry oatmeal. You were nice while it lasted, but we are never, ever, ever getting back together.


xoxo!

TMI

"People work on average 45 hours per week; 17 of those are considered unproductive." -A Legit Source

I sit by the water cooler at work.  I literally just push off my desk and am able to glide to the cooler on my wheel-y chair.  This means two things: 1) I'm privy to all water cooler gossip and 2) I drink a lot of water (yay!), but also pee a ridiculous number of times each day.

After conducting a very scientific study at work today...

I have come up with the following theory: my bladder is approximately the size of a BPI-certified compostable, Eco Products 16 oz. cup made in Boulder, Colorado, and decorated with what appears to be an Eckert projection map of the world on the front.

In case you were wondering, said cup also features the following inspiring messages:  " We know small choices make a world of difference" and "cups made from plants are better than cups made from oil."  Huzzah!

Xoxo!

e-card obsession...

It's been a while since I've shared any recent internet finds. This could be attributed to a myriad of reasons, but mostly the following items: (P.S. Note how my colon is preceded by a complete sentence.  Fun fact, incorrect colon usage is a pet peeve of mine.  Surprising, since I'm no grammarian, and I'm pretty sure my spelling abilities peaked in the 5th grade.  Okay, now cut back to the part where I was about to explain something.)

So why has it been so long since I've shared my latest and greatest internet finds?

1. Due to the fact that I now have a job, reading takes precedence over trolling the internet in my drastically reduced spare time.

2. Perhaps I keep thinking if I hold off on the ever-favorite blogger cop-out a.k.a. "The Link List", some clever little gem-of-an-essay will instead spew forth from my brain.

It seems, however, this is not to be the case, so I'm giving in.
"Ooh-la-la-lovely:  The E-card Special"

//Did I mention I have a job?//

//Usually the case//

//This never happens//

//speaking of unicorns...//

// I probably shouldn't admit this//

//This either//

This is not an e-card.  But it's my favorite vine ever.

http://vinebox.co/u/wi52BOAhug9/wpbrd9EyI2g

Et fin.  Keep checking back--one of these days I'll write something worth reading.  'Till then!

Xoxo!

that time i almost let my blog die...again

Our Fourth was spent up at Brighton. While there, we attended the annual 4^th of July pancake breakfast. What’s the 4^th of July without a big pancake breakfast?  Am I right? Anyway, it was prime people watching. 

Observation: even when decked out in their most patriotic garb, people tend to stick with their various stereotypes.

Being at Brighton, it was natural to see plenty of “granolas.”  I decided, were it not for my love of J Crew, I’d choose to be granola.  They are like the cool nerds (insomuch that Birkenstocks can be called ‘cool’ that is). They may be weird and openly get made fun of, but deep down you admire them and their ecofriendly lifestyle.  Going green is kind of a thing now.  Plus I hear they go hiking all the time. 

You want to know what else is a thing?  Hipsters everywhere. Ironic? Yes. They're even in Iceland folks.  I was just there and can vouch for it.  Seriously, everyone there had the whole Jef-with-one-f hairstyle going on.  It seems that it's not just Provo that's obsessed with Bachelorette.  I had it confirmed by real live Icelanders that all their t.v. and movies are in English (which accounts for them knowing the language so well), so maybe??? And let's talk about the number of thrift stores in Reykjavik? Considering population numbers and the size of downtown, it's definitely disproportionate.  So in addition to being some of the happiest people on earth (it's probably the low energy costs), Icelanders are also very hipster.

Let’s jump back a few years ago when we looked at such individuals and thought “there’s a reason those items were destined for goodwill.” Now that pastel-ly floral oversized sweatshirt is cool, taking fashion cues from your bookish, professor of a grandfather is kosher, and buttoning your shirts up to you chin and tucking them into acid-washed high-wasted denim shorts is cute. Oh and that flower girl crown you wore when you were five??? Pull that out of the closet and sport it proudly, and while you’re at it that army jacket from your 6^th grade Halloween costume still has plenty of wear left…

Okay, okay, I joke.  I do it too :) 

Anyway, I shall quit channeling Virginia Woolf with this odd stream-of-consciousness type post and wrap it up with some pictures from the 4th!  ‘Merica!!!!

xoxo!

Leaving on a jet plane!

Hello lovelies!
So can't remember if i mentioned this... but right now I'm sitting in gate D3 waiting to board a flight to Atlanta and then on to Frankfurt!

Frankfurt? Yup. I'm partying in Europe for a month! Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Czech Republic, France, England, and Iceland.

You see, I decided my last term of school ought to be spent studying abroad- I mean I am a tourism major after all (and London kind of set the precedence of ditching Provo for part of the year every year...) so here we go!

Look for a massive picture-filled post upon my return! Till then, enjoy my insta's!
Xoxo!

yes i love geography, but not as much as you, you see...

Ah good old Napoleon Dynamite…

So I took my last final ever today.  Unfortunately, I don’t think it went very well….But hey! At least I’m done!  Hopefully my professor will be feeling generous when he’s assigning points for essays.  I am one of his favorites after all….?

For fun last night, I got on ratemyprofessors.com and went through and read some of the reviews on my professors.  I laughed pretty hard.  I happen to like all my professors, but can definitely relate to what these students complained of.
My personal favorites (from the bitterest of students of course):

“Death by powerpoint.”

“He will ask your opinion and it will be wrong anyway.”

 “Purposely tries to humiliate students by asking questions they couldn’t possible know the answer to.”

“Embarrasses students no matter what you answer and will call on anyone in class.”

This one is trying to be diplomatic haha!

“He does have a tendency to embarrass students, no matter what you say you will be wrong, but overall he does a decent job of teaching.”

It’s true. That professor does call on you at random, but he claimed it was because he knew I’d have something intelligent to add. (I think it was to punish me for whispering to my fellow peanut gallery members during our seminars).  And as far as giving the wrong answer, we the peanut gallery thought it rather entertaining when he had to ask four people to get the answer he was fishing for.  It’s like a game, “try and guess what your professor is thinking.”  Bonus points if you’re the one who finally hits the nail on the head! (I was good at winning.)

And now, a few more reasons why my professor is amusing:

Reason 1:  He dresses like a tourist.  I always wanted to ask if he was being ironic.  But fearing Tommy Bahama was just his go-to style, thought better of it.

Reason 2:  He whips out quotes like these during class:

While discussing the cruise industry in the Caribbean...

Student: “How many cruises have you been on?”

Professor: “Seventeen, (slight pause) I’m old guys.”

Reason 3:  He writes funny test questions.  (I’m already encroaching on “zoob” status at this point, so I’m just going to admit I laughed audibly when I came across this question during our final today.)

“Your friend told you he wants to spend the summer backpacking by himself in Patagonia.  He is exhibiting what type of tourist behavior?”

a.     midcentric

b.     psychocentric     

c.      psychotic

d.     allocentric

(The correct answer is D, but I found C rather hilarious)

And now to further solidify my nerdom, I’m going to share some geography related humor.  I came across these maps last semester when I was taking a Geography of Europe course and have been wanting to share them ever since. 

My apologies if you find them offensive.  I had to censor some…

I don't know if you found them funny.  I did.
Also, I realize my usual amount of satire has been missing from this blog as of late.  I guess nothing's happened to fuel my sarcasm.  Or maybe I'm just a really nice person! Haha!

Xoxo!